ever have so much on your mind ya wanna cry?….yeah thats me right now :(
i cut for the first time in years, everything just got to me all at once and it was a sense of stress relief for me…long story short adam found it :/ he flipped out… it was the first time I ever saw him cry….he held my arm and kissed it and cried and held me for about an hour…it made me feel like complete crap. he begged me to never do it again and i agreed…I dont want to lose him over something so small that could be avoided so easily, yeah it makes me calm but you know its not worth it i would much rather be able to cuddle up to him and tell him everything that is going on and i should of done that in the first place…its just not worth it….im at the point in my life i want a family with him…i’m not going to do anything to screw it up…..sorry.
I hate my self for being such a fucking pushover emotionally it sucks because i can’t ever say what is on my mind i just get silent and shut out the world and fucking cry and it pisses me off to the point i hate myself for it, and its probably because growing up i couldn’t ever express my feelings the way i needed to and now im scared to make anyone mad… idk this just sucks…maybe i’ll get over it and if not well then i guess i wont ever be able to make anyone happy,……i just want to make him happy and it seems like everything i do just starts a fight between us so i give up….i said i would never give up on him, and im not im giving up on my self :’( work early in the morning so goodnight…. </3
I fucking hate shark week ughhhh